you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The air taste purple.
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