names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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