He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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