You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
