Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He did a backflip because drugs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
