this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
