going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
