I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
