drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize