Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
