I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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