they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
