its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
