"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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