Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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