I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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