I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
