Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
