you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
