broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
