The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
