Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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