i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
