Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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