You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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