Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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