Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
