where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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