Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
