Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I could make wine with my vomit
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
