Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
