new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
