A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
