When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is Oprah even human
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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