Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
