had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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