Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize