I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
