I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
