I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
