Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
