Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
