I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
