The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
