You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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