I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
