No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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