don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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