He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
