i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
