peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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