god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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