Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
