you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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