Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
