how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As shirtless as possible
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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