this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
