Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize