just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
