dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize