Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
