she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you never un-have a 4some
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
