apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
