just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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