Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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