it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
