i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
