Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Farmville is her only friend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
