you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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