K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i now understand why vodka
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
