why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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